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Why People Get Divorced

Why people get divorced…

Drugs and alcohol
Uncontrolled, abusive and binge drinking habits of one spouse can make life a living hell for the other and every member of the family.  The same goes for any addictive substance, be it cocaine or prescribed pain killers. Keep in mind; however, if you truly love – or loved your spouse at one time – you owe it to them to try to help them with such a problem. But, you can only suffer for so long. An addict or drug abuser has to “want to change.” If you don’t see that desire, then you are wasting your time. There will come a point that if they are unwilling to change a destructive situation, then you must change it for the benefit of yourself and the rest of your family. Divorce can bring some peace and quiet to your life.

Domestic Violence (Physical Abuse)
If you are involved in a physically abusive relationship then run, don’t walk, to the nearest law office and get yourself a good lawyer. When it comes to physical abuse, no one deserves such treatment: not animals, not our worst enemies and not you!  Compounding physical abuse is usually a level of mental and verbal assaults that lead one into a sort of paralysis, which can cause one to wonder if they are to blame.  Don’t fall into this trap.  You will surely be making a move to a better world through divorce.  The sooner you do so, the sooner you can start enjoying life again while being treated with the respect and dignity you deserve.

Verbal/Mental Abuse
In some ways, insults and put-downs bore over the years can be every bit as debilitating as physical abuse.  No one deserves to be put down, insulted and ripped into for any perceived lack of skill, flaw or ability to do anything.  As a spouse you are entitled to dignity and self-respect and nobody has a right to attack those aspects of you. Divorce can be a window to recovering your self-worth if you have been subjugated to verbal and mental abuse.

Infidelity/Adultery (Cheating on you)
Finding love on the side is nothing to be looked at lightly and is often well justified grounds for divorce.  To add a little historic cultural perspective, throughout the age’s adultery has been subject to severe punishments including the death penalty in some countries. Even today, adultery has been grounds for divorce under most fault-based divorce laws. In some places around the globe the method for punishing adultery is stoning to death!  We just wanted to emphasize that dalliance on the side is not to be shrugged off lightly and it will not be by a court for sure. So if you are in a marriage and the spouse is cheating you are standing on morale ground seeking a divorce. However, we would suggest trying to work it out or at least address the underlying causes for infidelity first. Does it hint at a lack of intimacy?  Does it even matter at this point?  It should, because a lot can be riding on your decision to divorce your unfaithful spouse.  Doesn’t mean you should tolerate it, but can it be overcome? This is only a question you can answer.  But, if they are unwilling to abound by the matrimonial covenant they agreed to when they married you, then in essence they ended the marriage first.

Financial Recklessness
Finances are a major reason why some marriages fail and it mostly has to do with spending habits.  Strong marriages are on the same page when it comes to the money and budgets are clearly defined and understood.  This does not mean that both spouses should get full access to the cookie jar at all times, it just means that whatever system is in place must be understood by both spouses.  Perhaps one spouse has a personal savings account for spur of the moment purchases. That, in and of itself, is okay. It is just when suddenly eight thousand dollars is missing from the joint checking and one spouse was saving the money for a family vacation next spring tempers can flare. Given enough time, such matters will lead to divorce. Go see a counselor first and clearly outline you and your spouse’s relationship with money.

Spouse spends to much time in jail
You never signed on aiding and abetting a career criminal or loser.  Everyone deserves a second chance, but in our opinion, a spouse should live up to his or her obligation to respect the law and stay out of jail. One, who is in jail, cannot provide and cannot nurture.  They are in effect AWOL when it comes to the marriage. You have to think if he or she is worth putting on marriage parole or if the marriage death penalty is in order.  Perhaps the crime might play into your decision, too. There might be a big difference between sticking with a spouse doing five to ten for involuntary manslaughter stemming from a car accident versus hanging onto a sexual predator busted by the FBI.

Lack of Communication
As in anything in life you must put forth an effort to grow it.  A marriage is no different.  Taking a marriage for granted is a sure way to insure that you will not have a marriage.  Once each of you has your own life to the exclusion of the other, and no meaningful communication between you both exists. You are certainly on the road to a divorce.  If you do not work on your marriage then surely your marriage will dissolve into cohabitation thus you are more of a room mate then a spouse.

Excessive devotion to in-laws
You married him, not his drunken cousin or uncle.  If your house has been overrun by in-laws that infringe upon your right to respect, dignity and self-worth, then this could indeed be grounds for a divorce but only in the most dramatic Circumstances.  Leading up to marriage, most people would formulate exactly how such relationships would play out.